


Foraging for Fear

by Karartegirl99



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29914080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karartegirl99/pseuds/Karartegirl99
Summary: While in Scotland, the Archivist finds a creative way to deal with his hunger for statements.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Foraging for Fear

[Click]

**Jon:** Right, whenever you’re ready.

[A pause; movement as the recorder is rearranged and someone gets situated.]

**Jon:** Statement of Anonymous, regarding an unusually deep puddle. Statement taken October Twelfth, 2018. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

[A rustle of feathers, wings flapping]

**Duck:** Quack.

**Jon:** Into the microphone, please.

**Duck:** Quack!

**Martin:** (from a distance) Jon?

**Jon:** Fuck.

[Click]

[Click]

**Jon:** I’m… taking a statement.

**Martin:** (playfully) I can see.

[Pause]

**Martin:** I—Oh! Are—You’re being serious.

**Jon:** Yes, I think the hunger might be beginning to get to me. Did Basira say she’d send something over?

**Martin:** Soon, yeah. How are you holding up?

**Jon:** You mean besides the fact that I’ve spent all morning luring a wild animal with a granola bar? I’m alright. Really.

**Martin:** Well, you know I’m here if you need anything, or if you want to talk about it. (cautiously) And, if you ever get _really_ hungry, I can give you a statement. Heh, you know, if you run out of ducks.

**Jon:** Oh. I’ll…I’ll think about it.

[Pause]

**Martin:** Does the duck _have_ a statement?

**Jon:** Yes—Buried, I think.

**Martin:** And, you can understand it?

**Jon:** I figured if I could understand statements written in French, then talking to a duck wasn’t far outside the realm of possibility, either.

**Martin:** Seems about right.

[Pause]

**Martin:** So, are you gonna pick up from where I interrupted? Because it looks like your statement giver is wandering away.

**Jon:** Ah, so she is. Probably for the best, really. I’m not sure giving a duck nightmares would be a pleasant experience for either party.

**Martin:** Well, I’m no expert at duck body language, but she seems to be doing just fine. And she seemed happy enough to munch up the treats you gave her. Who knows, she might even think good granola would be worth a couple nightmares.

**Jon:** Hopefully, she won’t have to find out.

[Footsteps as Jon and Martin start heading home, the quacking of the duck growing quiet behind them.]

**Martin:** You sure you’re doing okay?

**Jon:** I’m feeling a lot better now, thank you. (mischievously) I suppose you could say…

**Martin:** Jon…

**Jon:** No harm, no fowl.

[Martin sighs fondly]

[Click]

**Author's Note:**

> I read a fic by caringsatan where Jon jokes about taking the statement of a rooster outside the safehouse and I thought that would make a funny transcript fic. (I didnt officially list it as an inspiration because it was a sneeze kink fic and the rooster bit was just a small part of one chapter.)  
> I've never done formatting like this before, please let me know if it's hard to read


End file.
